A lot of my life lately has been questions. What should I do? Where should I go? What does God want? What do I want? I just want to know if there are answers to any of them? I’m not sure there has been such a confusing time in my life! I’ve always known what to do, God has always shown me what to do. I feel like he has been silent lately, I can’t get any clear direction. Maybe he has been trying to tell me something I don’t want to hear. Or I am afraid to hear…
It occurred to me yesterday that all the jobs I’ve been trying to apply for are not working out. Not a one of them. Its like God is just closing the doors, and keeping them closed. I have tried to keep all my job searching in the US, so I thought to myself yesterday, I haven’t tried jobs outside of the US. I wonder if those would work out? Maybe that is where God wants me to put my focus.
Maybe I need to be asking God where he wants me to go. I want peace about the door that he opens. If he calls me to go to Japan or Korea I want confirmation and I want peace. I had crazy peace the last time I went to Japan. The issue is my job right now. I can’t stand my job, I’ve gotten so sick of it. I want to leave. That’s why I’ve been so desperate lately to get a job. And its also why I have been frustrated that nothing is working out. It means I have to stay where I am, I hate that. And I feel like God is working on that with me. The whole being content where I am because I can do all things through Christ. If I just ran away, I would not be able to get strong and gain character. And most of all wouldn’t learn to trust the Lord. This has been a trying time, my faith has been tested because I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to just give up and quit this job. Yet in my heart I know I can’t, no matter how much I don’t like it.
So that leaves me where I am now. I am learning to trust the Lord, that is a very hard lesson. I know he has something great for me, I can’t begin to know. Its a ministry of some sort, I think, but I will just have to wait till he shows me. I have to keep reminding myself that God is never late, but always on time. And there is a reason why he keeps shutting the doors, apparently there is something specific he wants me to do. And there are doors that only he can open. He’s good like that, he can move and change hearts according to his will. Amazingly I am learning to just be patient, at peace, and content. Some days are worse than others but I am learning to just leave it all in God’s hands. After all this is said and done I am going to be proud of myself and my accomplishments. And especially proud of what God did in my life! ^_^